The Losers' Circle|
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
The Losers' Circle's LiveJournal:
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|Tuesday, September 9th, 2008|
|Thursday, July 31st, 2008|
Okay...so this is why I've not been eating breakfast.
Today I had a banana smoothie and a peanut butter sandwich for breakfast. That was 370 ca.
Then I had the gyros kit (with cucumber and tomato) for lunch. That was just over 550 ca.
And now I only have 669 ca left for the REST OF THE DAY!!!!
(Now, granted, this is better than before I looked closely at it and found that I had put 150 ca too much on the peanut butter and thought I only had 519 ca left.)
But...it's only 2:45 and...650 left! Agh!
And if I DON'T eat well all day, then I'm left with over 800 or 900 ca at 7 or 8 pm and while that cushion is nice, it means I'm eating late and don't get all my calories and is bad.
But...but...I wanna SAVE them in case I NEED them! What if I eat it all too early and have nothing left????
I think I'm going to have a salad for dinner. But...what else? Current Mood: nervous
|Wednesday, July 9th, 2008|
Late April/Early May: 174 lbs
9 July: 159 lbs.
I've lost 15 lbs since May and 11 lbs since I started tracking on TDP in early June. Success!! I feel very good right now!
|Saturday, July 5th, 2008|
Throw me a pity party, I'm back
I took a few days off from TDP since I thought I might be pregnant. It's really not good to diet during pregnancy, so I just figured I would eat sensibly but without counting calories until my situation became clear.
Now my situation is clarified, but not the way I wanted.
Needless to say, in addition to the eventual baby aspect of pregnancy, I was kind of looking forward to more eating.
Yesterday I still didn't log anything because I was just mad and depressed. But this morning I got up, ate my 1/2 peanut butter sandwich, bowl of cereal and protein mix, and logged it all.
Today I'm wondering exactly why
I'm trying to lose weight. What is the point, anyway? I guess today I just feel like I'd rather take refuge in my age-old coping mechanism (eating) rather than focus on some long-term goal of weighing less than 200 pounds.ETA:
I talked to my mom after writing the above. She had major secondary infertility and provided an extremely sympathetic and understanding ear. After taking Paula to see Horton Hears a Who (eh, *shrugs*), having dinner at the neighbors' birthday party, and talking to my friend Lucie, I'm feeling better. I just needed a little time and perspective. Besides, tracking my food isn't that hard and doesn't have to be about some long-term goal. Just eat it, write it down, enter it in, repeat. Current Mood: down
|Tuesday, June 17th, 2008|
Okay, so, with encouragement from iingaartist
(the former of whom did all the searching and beta testing of weight-monitoring sites, thank you!), I have been tracking my food intake, activity levels, and weight since March 10. In these three months I have done, by my accounting, very well (yay, me!).( Numbers and specifics below the cutCollapse )
I'm so pleased with and proud of myself! The next step is to add a regular activity portion to the monitoring. Current Mood: accomplished
|Sunday, June 8th, 2008|
So I'm a week into counting calories and, while I'm not expecting to see any result so soon, I'm terrified that I'm doing this wrong. I want to do this PERFECTLY. I don't want to waste my time doing this wrong. I'm eating healthier and exercising, but I'm obsessed with the things that could go wrong. As amilyn put it, I'm resigning myself to failure before even starting.
Not to say I don't feel EXCELLENT. I'm proud of myself and I feel good and strong and motiviated, but a part of me keeps saying that I shouldn't feel like this because I'm NOT doing this right. I'm exercising and eating right and staying under or around my limit, but my brain is swarming with negative what ifs. What if I'm entering things I shouldn't enter. What if I'm not eating enough and my body clings to what it has to stay alive? What if I'm really eating way MORE than I thought? What if I'm not really burning all those calories? Current Mood: cynical
|Saturday, June 7th, 2008|
I have been plateaued at a 20-21 lb loss for a couple of weeks. I am still eating GREAT food and loving it and not planning to stop.
Yesterday I went way under my calories as I attended graduation and so didn't get home till late and wasn't hungry at 9:15. This morning my tummy was rumbling but I was indifferent. About 10-15 minutes ago I thought, "Maybe I just won't eat at all today," and my response to that was to take my meds and make a banana smoothie
I'm WAY prouder of that than is reasonable. I also enjoyed whacking our full-sized ice cubes with a hammer while they were wrapped in plastic. So, following mtgat
's lead, 1/2 c milk, ice, and, in my case, one banana. BIG milkshake-like thing. I've got to try this w/ G.S. mint cookies, as this is, to me, as good as a milkshake.
I figure the above impulse, added to the fact that I'm getting a headache from unconsciously clenching my teeth, is a good sign that I'm anxious about something. Dunno what, and am having a good day (found someone who writes Bones
fic that, while shippier than my preference, is very good.
Off to DRINK that smoothie rather than let it melt.
|Tuesday, June 3rd, 2008|
Yes, you really do need more food leading up to your period.
I was doing some research yesterday, trying to figure out if I could swindle a few more calories by counting my period as a form of exercise. Okay, I know it's a stretch, but I didn't have the energy to get up and do actual exercise.
What I found out, though, is that in the two weeks or so between ovulation and menstruation, women do burn through about 500 more calories per day. See http://tinyurl.com/6j38p7
, only one of the places I found this info.
I'm just saying that Hormonal Amnesty Day is totally for real. And should be celebrated at least once a month :)
(x-posted to TDP) Current Mood: good
|Wednesday, May 28th, 2008|
Hormonal Food Amnesty Day
I was HUNGRY all day. I was down to only 77 calories left by NOON.
So I wrote today off and feel MUCH better after eating way more than normal. I am hormonal. It is the end of the semester. And, well, I don't need to eat like this again tomorrow, but the day of indulgence? MUCH better after I finally ate till I was full. Current Mood: full
|Sunday, May 25th, 2008|
About To Jump on the Bandwagon
Hey guys! I'm about to start back up at TDP once school lets out and my stress level comes back down (so, this coming Saturday), and I've joined a gym to kickstart my fitness and weight goals. Right now I'm weighing in between 170-175. My ultimate goal is 130, but right now I'm trying to get between 140-145.
So yeah, first post here. Woo.
|Friday, May 23rd, 2008|
I have been so hungry today. In the car on the way to my sister's I ate four and three-quarters of a peach and a cup of yogurt. I'm not starving right now, but a little hungry and hoping the 311 calories I have left for today will translate into something really, really freaking filling.
But I guess this is good. Even if I go over, as I have done a lot this week, at least I'm aware of how much I'm eating. At a lot of times in the past I've been HUNGRY HUNGRY HUNGRY, so I've just eaten, eaten, eaten without having any awareness of quantity. So this is at least an improvement over that.ETA:
I ate a no-cheese, no-mayo, no-oil veggie sub from Subway and a can of sardines (high in protein & omega-3's, low in cals and mercury!) for dinner and still went over my new calorie goal of 1,877.
I don't think I'm ready for a new calorie goal.
Granted, I still have more water I need to drink today. Maybe I'll go do that and it will work and I won't feel hungry anymore. But if I do, I'm very likely to bump my calorie goal back to 1,950, and go find something really yummy and filling for 45 calories.
This is a bad dieting day. Maybe I just need to give in and say, you know what? Screw it! Today is just not a good day for me to worry about whether or not I go over my calories. Maybe I just need to let go and eat until I'm actually full.
On the other hand, lots of people all over the world go to bed hungry every night. I don't, most nights, and I'm so thankful for that. One night definitely won't hurt me.
Thanks for listening to me gripe. Current Mood: morose
|Wednesday, May 14th, 2008|
Ummm ... about that last post ...
Yesterday when I weighted myself I was a little backed up. I should've taken that into account before going all Kurt Cobain.
Sure enough, this morning I weighed myself again after, um, (TMI!) eliminating, and I had lost two pounds.
Now my M&M's will have to say something more chipper. Current Mood: relieved
|Tuesday, May 13th, 2008|
I am not amused
I weighed myself today after a week of monitoring my calories and staying under (for the most part) 2,300 calories. That was supposed to be about as many calories as I would need to maintain a weight of 165 pounds, at what I labeled as moderate activity (housework, garage work, some walking).
I have gained a pound.
I began to suspect my calories were too high when I was eating ice cream and pie at the end of the day just to get up to my goal. The first few days I fell short of the goal and started feeling so weak that I felt it was important to meet the goal, not beat it.
I know a pound is well within the margin of error for fluctuations in water weight and whatever else, but I am feeling a little bitter.
I'm sticking with TDP and lowering my calories to 1950 (for some reason 1900 scares me). We'll see what happens this
Meanwhile I'm considering making custom M&Ms
that say "It's just not worth it." Current Mood: irritated
|Friday, May 9th, 2008|
The Daily Plate is down.
This means I'll have to go do something other than obsessively calculate the calories in my breakfast. I know: I'll go get a bacon-ranch-avocado-peanut-butter cheeseburger. Maybe the site will be back up when I get back.
ETA: It's back up. Crisis averted. *wiping ranch dressing and peanut butter off chin* Current Mood: insecure
|Thursday, March 27th, 2008|
I erroneously posted this to tastebuds
the other day instead of here. Duh.
I'm feeling good about tracking my eating for the past couple of weeks. But I'm having trouble finding a balance (go figure...). I have been eating good food, healthy stuff, and am pleased with it all including the stteady weight loss I'm seeing so far...except that the past two days I haven't come close to a reasonable amount of food...and yet I don't feel like eating more. *sigh*
I've got to think about adding in activity in the next week or two. Current Mood: frustrated
I've been keeping track for over two weeks. I'm struggling with keeping my calorie count up
to its expected level without resorting to cake or something. It's altogether too easy to fall into the habits of saving up calories and saving up "just in case" and then realizing it's bed time and I've still not eaten 500-1000 of my day's calories.
I have lost six pounds so far, and that is pleasing. Pretty soon I want to post my goals--what I want from my body, what my weight goals are, what increments I'm going to be celebrating, what I'm looking forward to being able to do.
I've not yet added ANY activity to my program, and the cornerstone of my current eating is LOTS and LOTS of veggies. I love broccoli and salad and cauliflower and SO many yummy veggies.
So...thank you to everyone who pushed and set good examples. I want to keep this up, although tonight I want to eat EVERYTHING I can find (of course, I have 650 ca left to gobble up, and so I CAN eat more), and am out of all the food I brought with me today.
Just my little update for now. Current Mood: hopeful
|Tuesday, March 18th, 2008|
Triggers: Hopelessness and Futility
Well, I am watching The Wire
S4 with tv_elf
. It's excellent, excellent television. This season is about street/corner boys and kids who have been working for drug dealers and gangs, the cops who try to keep on top of things, the teachers who try to make the schools work, and the gang/drug lords who are running everything (or so it seems).
There is a weight of futility and hopelessness that runs through this, in these characters' lives, in the schools, in the politics that are all dirty and manipulating everything to make sure that the press that they get doesn't reveal the truth...
It's just...sad. And that sense of futility has me wanting to eat everything around.
Good to know that it is one of my STRONG triggers.
And at least I had cauliflower, broccoli, and hummus while watching, right? Current Mood: nervous
Good habits - and bad ones, too
I've been adhering to The Daily Plate as much as I can - It's been a real eye-opener to see what I'm actually eating, and the mere distaste of having to write down that one cookie has gone a long way to preventing my snackage. I've also found that looking up my prospective choices before I actually consume them has helped me a great deal as far as making healthier/lower fat choices. It's the looking up of items that has filled me with fear, however.
Anyone who really loves their Chipotle fix should have a look at this
website. It gives an easy checklist, and you just basically mark off what you normally get on your burrito/bol/tacos/whatever and it spits back the calories at you. I don't know how to actually express the horror I felt at my delicious snack of chips and guacamole costing me over 600 calories, but it was somewhere in the higher levels. It'll be awhile before I venture to the wondrous land of burritos, I'll tell you that.
Taco Bell also has a new option of ordering "Fresco Style", which supposedly knocks off a large chunk of calories by replacing the cheese and/or sauce with a fiesta salsa made of diced tomatoes, onions, and cilantro. Sounds promising, though I haven't actually tried it yet.
Oh, and my food diary on TDP is also now accessible with the use of my (rather cleverly chosen) password of: thedailyplate .
|Tuesday, March 11th, 2008|
Halfhearted, but a bit on board
I have been eating lots of veggies this week, mostly salads and broccoli/cauliflower/carrots with hummus. Oddly, yesterday and today I've felt GREAT in spite of not getting enough sleep Saturday night (and, obviously, tonight), and in spite of starting my period yesterday.
I wonder if that could be due to eating more healthy food. It does seem...possible.
So, spurred on by feeling good and iingaartist
's example, I signed up at The Daily Plate
. It's set so anyone w/ my passcode, which is nick1228, can see my food diaries and such. I've entered food for today (Monday) and the beginnings of what I will be having tomorrow (already prepared in the fridge to grab). I even input potato dumplings into their system since they didn't exist yet. (Black sesame seeds also didn't exist, but I'll have to add those later as I don't feel like it now.) The system even included the WONDERFUL Consorzio Raspberry & Balsamic Dressing I love on my salad (that I've created as a meal already).
I don't know if I'll do anything more than keep track of things--or, really, even do that--but it is my intention.
I'm going to leave this at this and then, if I'm still tinkering at this, post a list of my goals in terms of health, weight, comfort, ability, activity, etc. Current Mood: hopeful
|Friday, July 20th, 2007|